I have never baked you a cake. I baked you some Christmas cookies and even cupcakes sometimes, but I never had the chance to make a cake for you, for your Birthday I would have baked for you the most beautiful cake in the world. And now it’s too late because you’re gone, today it is a month since you left me. But still, I have decided to do this for you. Even Though it may sound crazy. You can not see it anymore but I needed to do it. And that’s what I’ve tried to do, within my limitations, to bake the most beautiful cake for you, with white roses of course, a lot of them.
For your last birthday I bought you huge bouquet with white roses. It was almost taller than you. The most beautiful, the most expensive … the bouquet of blame I called it. It was much more than that, it was the blame, yes. The blame I felt for being so far away from you, for not being there helping you to handle better the hell of illness that you were living, for not giving you some company, for not helping you, for an infinite list of reasons. But it was more than that, it was the farewell bouquet. I already knew that this was the last birthday present that I was buying for my mother. So for me it is the symbol of goodbye. The last image of you that I have, that photo with that bouquet and the last gift.
Knowing that those flowers you buy are the last you are going to buy is devastating. But there is something even worse than that, buying flowers for the grave of that same person. Here I have them and I am touching them while I write this, of course also roses. Plastic this time, I hate fake flowers but I managed to find you some which look almost real. I was wrong, it was not going to be the last time that I was buying you flowers. You can not describe all this, I can not describe how it feels like. It is the greatest sadness and emptiness I have ever felt. And I knew this was going to happen, I knew there was little time left and you try to prepare yourself, but you’re not ready for this. When the reality that that person is no longer there hits you as hard in your face as it is hitting me now, nothing that you could have imagined, prepare or plan works. Everything is new and disconcerting.
Baking you a cake is indeed for me, not for you. Some people say that writing letters to the lost person helps overcome grief. Well, I bake cakes, I could not keep that inside. I had to bake the cake that I would have made for your birthday. That’s how it would have been, that’s how I would have created it for you. And I am sure you would have loved the coconut and white chocolate flavour, you really enjoyed eating, but especially the new things and new dishes that I cooked for you and these flavors would have been a big surprise for you. And I am also sure you would have found it very beautiful, and you would have cried a lot of emotion, as you did with the roses bouquet.
Since you were not into technology, you had never seen the blog. I found it hard to explain what it was, thing was too modern for you. But if I showed you the pictures of the cakes I baked whenever I went home and you always told me how good I am at making beautiful things. Now I’m not so good anymore, it’s hard for me to do it, I don’t feel like baking that much anymore, I lack the motivation, and neither the photos nor anything makes me as happy as they used to. It will get better, I suppose.
This blog is very important for me, it is my corner to express myself, it is where I gather things that I do with love and that I really enjoy. The people who read this blog, those who follow me and comment me on social networks and those who enjoy what I show them here are important to me. That’s why I also have to share this with them. That’s how they will know you too, see that photo where you were so young and so beautiful and they will know me better as well. But I do it mainly because it was very important for me to make this cake and write some words to you, which will remain here forever (at least while the domain is still active). The blog will go on, with more or less motivation. I will go on. But I know that for many things that the future will bring, i am going to need you so much and you will not be there. Rest in peace my dear mommy.
Coconut white chocolate layer cake
- CAKE LAYERS:
- 5 eggs
- 120 ml whole milk
- 160 ml coconut oil
- 120 ml coconut milk
- 350 g sugar
- 300 g flour
- 200 g almond flour
- 2 tsp baking powder
- ½ tsp salt
- 250 g cold mascarpone
- 35 g icing sugar
- 200 g very cold whipping cream
- 75 g coconut flakes
- WHITE CHOCOLATE GANACHE FROSTING:
- 400 g white chocolate
- 180 g whipping cream
- Roses and fresh flowers
- Golden sugar pearls
- Edible gold paint
- Food coloring in purple and pink
Preheat oven at 160 ° C and grease 4 molds of 18 cm in diameter. If you do not have 4 molds, do it in 2 and then cut the biscuits in half.
Separate the whites from the yolks. For the cake we are going to use only the whites because we want it to be very white. Beat the egg whites lightly with the rods, until frothed. Add the sugar and beat a little more, so that the mixture takes air but you do not have to make a meringue. Incorporate the remaining liquid ingredients and mix until they are integrated.
In another bowl sift the flour with the baking powder and salt. Add the flour to the egg mixture in two additions mixing just until there are no lumps of flour. Finally add the almond flour and mix until it has been evenly distributed.
Divide the dough equally in the 4 molds. Bake for about 40 minutes. As always, before removing from the oven, pinch the cakes with a toothpick in the center and check that it comes out dry to make sure they have been cooked. Remove the cakes from the oven and allow to cool completely on a rack before unmolding.
To prepare the filling, beat the mascarpone with the sugar for about 1 minute. Add the cream and whisk at high speed until it is a creamy mixture (2 minutes approximately) Add the coconut flakes mixing in soft and enveloping movements until it is integrated into the cream. Reserve the cream in the fridge until it is time to assemble the cake.
To prepare the ganache, chop the white chocolate in a bowl. In a saucepan, heat the cream until it boils and pour it all into the chocolate bowl. Do not stir, let stand for about 10 minutes until all the heat has been transferred to the chocolate before you start mixing. Mix until all the chocolate has completely melted. Cover the bowl and let it sit overnight in the fridge.
Once the ganache has settled it will be very hard, beat it with the electric mixer and the accessory of rods for about 2 minutes until it acquires the consistency of a buttercream and becomes much whiter.
The next step is to assemble the cake. The first thing is to match the biscuits so that they are smooth on the surface by cutting the cup-shaped top. Place one of the biscuits or base mode, cover with ⅓ of the mascarpone cream. Repeat the step until you have the 4 layers stacked.
Frost the whole cake with a thin layer of chocolate ganache and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes to harden. Reserve a little ganache to make the decoration with watercolor effect, if you want to do it like that. Give a second layer of ganache, trying to leave it as smooth as possible. Refrigerate again for 1 hour. If some part of the cake has not been smooth, now you can fix it. Wet a spatula in very hot water, dry it with a cloth and pass it through the areas you want to smooth with very little pressure.
To make the watercolor effect decoration, separate the ganache you have reserved in 3 equal parts. Using food coloring, paint a part in soft purple colour. Paint another part of the cream mixing the pink and purple for a stronger purple one. And the third part of the cream you can leave white. Using a small spatula, apply small amounts of cream of different colors randomly and drag to create the effect of brush. Refrigerate the cake again 30 minutes to harden the decoration.
Now using the golden paint and a clean and dry brush, wet the brush in a little paint and give a few strokes of gold randomly on the watercolor decoration. You can paint the roses a little too. Finally, place some edible golden pearls on the ganache, they will be stick on it and decorate with the fresh flowers at the top.
Here you have your cake, with white roses. For you all the roses in the world, the whitest and the most beautiful ones. Always.